Thur. June 27, 2019 – still plugging away

No idea as I write this if the storm blew through, or is still around.

Got quite a lot of rain quickly though, even before I went to bed.

I’m trying to figure out what my feelings are about selling this house that I grew up in. It’s the only home I’ve ever known until I went out on my own. And I just realized that after the sale, I’ll lose access to it, and when I do, I’ll lose a touchstone in my life. I know every inch of this house. The basement, the under-eaves spaces, the rooms, smells, textures. I can move through the house in the dark or blindfolded. My dad is everywhere here. You can’t look in any direction and NOT see something he made, or shaped with his hands. The cool basement and the workshop were a refuge and my own ‘bat cave’ growing up. My bedroom (long since remodeled, but still ‘mine’) where I spent literal years, the yard, sheds, everything familiar despite the changes since I lived here. And when I walk out on Saturday or Sunday, it will likely be the last time I ever do.

THAT is freaking me out.


added- spent an hour teaching my daughter to throw darts, in the same place I learned, and passing on the same lessons I learned from my dad. Caught fireflies in the same yard I did. Watched a momma robin feed her baby in a nest outside the window in my old bedroom, daughter jumping on the bed, playing with the blinds that I helped hang.