Friday, 8 August 2014

09:42 – There have been several large-scale studies done to test the hypothesis that prayers are answered. Without exception, the results have falsified that hypothesis. The only reasonable conclusion is that either there’s nobody on the other end or, if there is, he doesn’t give a shit what one prays for.

I decided to add my own bit of data. When I was searching for something on Amazon Wednesday morning, I happened across a case of votive candles. You know, the kind that people light in catholic churches. So I figured, what the hell, I’d order a case and try them out. UPS showed up with them yesterday afternoon, only 30 hours after I’d ordered them. This morning I lit one and then very devoutly sang Janis Joplin’s “Mercedes Benz”. It’s been almost an hour, and so far nothing. Not so much as a moped, let alone the S-Class Benz I was expecting.

I had high hopes for these candles. At about $0.20 each, I figured I could get an incredible rate of return on my investment. I mean, $0.20 for a Mercedes-Benz? And that was just a small-scale trial. I figured that by the time I’d burned my way through the whole case I’d be richer than Bill Gates. But so far it’s not looking good.