Friday, 22 February 2013

08:20 – Barbara’s mother lost it yesterday. She called here yesterday afternoon, telling me that they were about to be evicted because they were out of money, that they owed $50,000 they couldn’t pay, that Barbara had to come over to stay with her, and that she wanted Barbara to call her immediately. Or at least that’s what I was able to get from the stream of nonsense she was talking. Barbara and Frances had already made it clear to Sankie that they weren’t going to be staying over there with her and that they weren’t going to respond to her demands that they stay with her at all times. So I told Sankie that I’d give Barbara the message but I didn’t think Barbara would be returning her call.

At that point, Dutch grabbed the phone from her and told me that this had been going on constantly literally all day without a break and that he couldn’t take it any more. I told him I’d call Barbara and tell her what was going on. I did that, and then talked to Barbara again later. She said that she’d set up an appointment with Sankie’s psychiatrist for this afternoon, that she was going to go to the gym as planned after work, and that she’d be home around 6:30.

At 6:14, the phone rang here. I answered on the second ring, but the caller hung up. Caller ID showed it was Barbara’s parents’ line calling, so I tried calling back immediately and got a busy signal. Then, at 6:18, the phone rang again. It was Sankie, begging to speak to Barbara. I told her that Barbara wasn’t home yet, and Sankie began pleading with me to have Barbara call her immediately. She was still going on about them being evicted because they were poor and owed money they couldn’t repay, and demanding that Barbara come over and stay with her. I told Sankie that just wasn’t going to happen, and that Barbara, Frances, and Dutch had reached their limit. She said Barbara had to come over to stay because she wanted Barbara to make Dutch do what she, Sankie, was telling him to do. I told her that wasn’t going to happen, and that she had to do what Dutch told her to do. She said she wasn’t going to do that because she didn’t want to do what Dutch was telling her to do. About a minute after we hung up, Frances called from work, saying that she’d had to take a break to respond to all the voicemails Sankie had left on her cell phone. I told Frances what was going on as far as I knew and that Barbara was due home any minute.

So Barbara is picking up her parents this afternoon to take them both to see Sankie’s psychiatrist. She wants the doctor to hear her dad’s side of what’s going on. I told her I didn’t think that’d make any difference. Sankie’s psychiatrist is legally and ethically obligated to do what is best for his patient, Sankie, and not what’s best for Sankie’s family, assuming those two are in conflict. Unfortunately, I believe they are in conflict. The psychiatrist has said that it’s best for Sankie to be at home with Dutch. But her behavior at home is likely to kill Dutch, literally. He simply can’t take the stress. No one could. As I told Barbara last night, her dad is a saint. Any normal man would have beaten Sankie to death long ago. Just imagine living with someone who just sits there repeating something over and over again, not just ten or a hundred times, or for an hour at a time, but ALL DAY LONG. Once she gets started, there’s no stopping her. I think the only thing that’s saved Dutch’s sanity so far is that he can turn off his hearing aids.

As Barbara said last night, the only solution is to put her mother in a locked ward. If she recovers, fine. She can come home. But she’s not coming home unless and until she’s fully recovered. Barbara thinks that most or all of Sankie’s misbehavior is intentional, an attempt to manipulate her and Frances. I agree, but I made the point to Barbara last night that it really doesn’t matter at all what the cause of her behavior is, intentional or organic. The behavior itself is simply unacceptable, whatever the cause. Sankie is going to kill Dutch, literally. And her behavior has pushed Barbara and Frances to the breaking point and beyond. It simply has to stop, and the only way it’s going to stop is if Sankie isn’t around any more. My own opinion is that no amount of adjusting her medications is going to help. This is the new normal for Sankie.